Diary: working title
by Goruda Shiro
Summary: Our favorite blue, furry mutant has a problem... and a diary. Light slash.
1. Entry 1

Title: Diary (Working title)  
Series: Urm.. well I'm doing multiple chapters of diary entries. That count?  
Author: Goruda Shiro Disclaimer: I don't own anything in the story but the story itself and the computer on which it was written.  
Rating: Shouldn't go any higher than R, and that's only for the possibility of mentions of violence, gore, and sex. If anyone knows the difference between the three, please notify me. somehow manages to say that with a straight face Kidding. Anyway... light chuckle  
Spoilers: None, really. Haven't seen the show since I'm guessing what was the series finale. But this doesn't really take place during any particular episode or time frame. Still teens in school is all.  
Pairing: Currently one sided Kurt/Scott. Summary: As stated before, this is gonna be in diary form. Someone's thoughts at the end of the day. In this case, the sexy one with soft blue fur and the kinky lookin' tail.  
Distribution: evolutionslash, ACACS, And bluesummers. Possibly a few other places at my discretion. Just ask.  
Feedback: It's like chocolate. I can't really get too much of it.  
Notes: Big thanks to Lacey's story Dear Diary for the inspiration to write a diary fic. Leave her lots of great reviews.  
Warnings: There be slash ahead. That would be two males in a romantic relationship, or an implied romantic relationship, or the one sided act of unrequited love, lust, or romantic feelings towards one man from another, as indicated by the pairing. If this offends you, turn back now. If you're going to flame me, be intelligent because I have no problem reporting you to any higher authority and making you look like the idiot you are. Also, be constructive. If you don't like it, tell me why, and what I could do to fix it. Thanks.  
Notes: Oh. Lastly, this goes unbeta'd. Any mistakes are my own.

On with the story.

Entry 1  
Ok, um... what am I supposed to do here? The professor decided, in all his wisdom, that we, the X-Men, and the other students, should write diaries. I'm not even sure how to do it. Well, we don't have to show them to anyone. That's a good start. He said we should talk to them as if they were a person. A.. what'd he say? Confidante. I think I spelt it right. Well, English isn't my first language, and I do pretty good at it anyway, so cut me some slack.  
Now let's see. Where should I start? Ok. How about this? This whole thing started because I have a problem, but I couldn't tell the professor about it. He suggested a diary of my days and my thoughts. Then he suggested it to the rest of the class. Eventually it got around school, and everyone walking into their rooms has a thick book on their bed that only they can open. Well, I suspect some of the older faculty could open them, but that would only make sense.  
Now I guess I go back to the problem itself. The one that started all this. Or maybe an introduction of myself... too myself... nah. I don't think I should go that far, should I? Oh well. Anyway, it started about two weeks ago. I was sitting in the lunchroom, alone, the first at the table. Slowly, space at the table filled as my friends from the institute, if you could call them that, sometimes, filed in around me.  
Soon, there were only a few spots left, and two of them were on either side of me. I was trying not to feel bad as I tried to figure out what today's lunch 'surprise' was supposed to be, because feeling bad just isn't me. And I should be used to the loneliness anyway. It's not as if people stand in line to get close enough to touch me. My appetite is low and I'm sure the thick, grainy gravy just bubbled. I'm about to get up and go, when Scott sits down beside me. He laughs at something I barely pay attention to, putting an arm around my shoulders and giving them a friendly squeeze. It lasted a moment and for some reason I just wanted to melt into his warmth.  
All to soon it was gone, though, and where his arm was, was just cold now. I started thinking about how I wish he'd touch me like that again, and the thought surprised me so much that I stood, abruptly, startled with myself. Everyone looked at me like something was wrong, and it was. There was a horrified look on my face and I knew it. After a moment of drowned out 'What's wrong's, I shook my head to snap myself out of it, then said something about a test I'd forgotten about next period, cleared my stuff, and took off.  
Of course I lied about the test. I mean, there was one, but I had studied all week for it. Still, though, when I got to the library, I sat at a table far off from anyone and opened my book, cramming.  
It just felt odd to me to feel such longing for just a touch. I thought briefly that I'd want a touch like that from anyone, but I mentally analyzed my friends, imagining their arms around me. Scott's was the only one I wanted.

Well, it's lights out. Time to go.

Kurt.

So how was it? Good? Bad? Lemme know. Barely a page long, the story itself, but it's just a journal entry. Imagine it being written in teen write on those pages of a diary, each page half the size of a piece of printer paper. That's what I'm thinking. oh. It's lined too. Anyhow, lemme know.


	2. Entry 2

Update: I was rereading the story and noticed some spelling errors that needed fixed, so here, I'm re-posting.

Sorry this took so long. Here's entry 2.

GoGo.

Entry 2

It's been a long couple of days. Two days since I last visited... you. I've been slightly leery around Scott and the others. It's hard being around someone you have a crush on, especially when you know they could never possibly feel the same way. And yeah, I said crush. I realized it the next morning. I was walking around the institute without my holo-watch, because I busted it against the night-stand the night before, during a rather offending dream, and I ran into Scott. Well, I walked into him, quite literally. I started to go down, and he said "Woah.." and grabbed my shirt to catch me. As he pulled, it pulled me right against him. We were that way all of a half second and I was blushing like a madman.  
I righted myself and grinned, because for some reason I couldn't help doing it when I saw him. It was a nervous one though, and I KNOW the reason for that. We said hi and made a little small talk, but his slight stare was making me more nervous. Then he brought up Jean and the fact that he was considering asking her out. I know I shouldn't have, but I felt bad. I mean, why would he ask me, right? Not when he has her. I heard vaguely something about someone else he might ask, but I was feeling slightly uneasy, and I needed a shower. So I told him, about the need for a shower, anyway, and bamfed.  
Sweat came off me in rolling waves as I eased my way into the shower. I won't get graphic, but the minimal full body contact with Scott really made an impact on other, more hormone driven, parts of my body. I let out a frustrated wail of release, more of a screaming cry than anything, and finished cleaning.  
I'm sure people heard me, because at breakfast that morning, they were all trying not to stare, except Logan, who always stares. Despite myself, I frowned and ducked my head. Later, I gave Scott the excuse that I'd gotten sick. He suggested I have the prof call in a sick day for me, but I insisted I was fine.  
Jean was using her car, so it was me, Scott, and Evan in Scott's convertible. With my new holo-watch on, I leaned back in the front seat and let the balmy air whip over me. I was exhilarated and, for the moment, not thinking of 'him'. With my head still back, I put my arms on the armrests, the one on the door, and the one on the console. I slid down in the seat a little to recline slightly more and my arm bumps right against Scott's.  
I'm still not taking up half the armrest, so I leave it and try to act normal, but my heart is suddenly racing. I momentarily consider bamfing out, but there are other cars around, so I don't. Anyway, it would bring up questions I wouldn't answer.  
Scott leaves his arm against mine as we go, and I feel almost like it's on purpose. I just write it off as wishful thinking. I look over at him and he looks distracted. He leans over, too close, and whispers to me. I swear I feel his lips against my ear. I look back and, for some reason, Evan is passed out in the back seat, his board on his lap, and some insect investigating his face, advancing on his open, drooling mouth. I laugh good-naturedly and smack his leg. It becomes even funnier then, because he wakes up, realizes he's a half inch from eating a willing bug, and is now dancing in the back seat to try and get rid of it. Oh, we are nuts sometimes.

Someone's coming. Gotta go.

Kurt

Thanks for your patience. Been a bad long time. I'm homeless now, living in a damned shelter. I have a child and I'm not on her birth certificate. I can't find a job. And depression is eating my alive. Oh well. Leave me reviews. I hunger for them.


	3. Entry 3

Sorry it took me so long to update. I promise to try harder. Anyhow, same notes and warnings apply.

GoGo

Entry 3

It's me again, diary. Sorry it's been so long; about a week, I think. I've been so busy with school all week, not to mention what's happening with Scott. I've been too bushed to write anything. And I'd love to be able to say that things with Scott have taken a nice turn, but things are as confusing as ever. Not to mention that some of the gang, as well as other students here, seem a little suspicious.  
I don't know what I'm going to do. I just wanna... I... ARGH! I don't know how things got as bad as they are. Well, I don't know... I can't even be around him, though. When I am, I just clam up or I stutter. Once, I became so nervous I fainted. Still not living that down... at least when people can find me. They keep trying to be the good friend and can't understand that I don't need or want that. Of course, I think they'd be able to understand better if they knew the reason. Though, I don't think they'd be able to handle the reason much better.  
Part of the problem is that Scott realizes there's a problem. Well, not so much that he notices, but that he tries to help... by being there... often... and close. I can't handle it. And I never noticed it before, but he smells. It's a nice smell. Actually, it's a great smell. After I noticed that, I started noticing that other people had smells too, and each smell seemed slightly different. Not so much that I can attach a smell to it's owner... though, I know Scott's smell by heart... Ugh, and now I'm drooling. Anyhow, my sense of smell isn't that powerful. Just slightly heightened. But since I started noticing his smell, his presence started becoming ever more apparent, and now not looking at him doesn't work.

Gotta go

Kurt.

If you made it this far, then please review.


End file.
